I Wanna Lick You Between Your…

*waves violently until arm is dislocated*

Hi, guys!!! Welcome to my latest edition of: People are stupid as shit, so they should just fuck off and kill themselves by bludgeoning each other with wet blood-drenched bricks in the middle of a highway filled with 18-wheelers, as they stand naked in the middle of a blizzard in Wisconsin, while orangutans castrate them with rusty Edward Scissorhand scissors dipped in molten lava…on a Wednesday.

The promotion of faggotry in this country is reaching monumental levels at a rapid pace. Additionally, so has the level of homophobia. I appreciate neither sides of the coin and I’ll tell you why. On one hand, I don’t like gay people—namely GLADD—shoving their dickhead agenda down my throat…PAUSE. I understand that you guys weren’t exactly accepted up until the last 20 years or so, but you guys have made substantial progress and a lot more people are open-minded about the gay community. Sure, there are a few people here and there that still dislike gay people, but that’s how it is—you can’t please everybody. Now please, GET OVER IT!!! Black people have, immigrants have and so have the Canadiens. Even LeBron James has come to terms with the fact that people are not going to like him, so why can’t you stupid people realize this? Better question: Hypothetically speaking, why can’t I voice my distaste for gay people or think it to be wrong without the entire community and a couple of closet fags getting their panties all up in a bunch? Am I not allowed to have or voice my opinion anymore? If you don’t like me I’m not going to sit there crying about it, pointing fingers at you, making false accusations and initiating pointless disputes. I don’t like or agree with you. Plain and simple. Stop playing the victim and move the fuck on.

Then we have the homophobic, insecure, God-worshipping mentally lethargic creatures of America, who reluctantly refuse to step into 2012. This isn’t the 1950’s, dumb-ass. You might not like Adam and Steve making out, but it’s not bothering anyone. No one is dying—there might be a couple of more people not reproducing, but look around, is that so bad? Shit, you were the product of a traditional man/woman relationship, and that didn’t exactly produce a contributing member of society, now did it? Honestly, I believe genocide through homosexuality might be a positive in a world filled with soulless degenerate beings walking the planet. It’s not an issue that pertains to being open minded, it’s one that applies to the right for a person to be happy. Therefore, it makes sense that religion would have a problem with homosexuality, because they also have contention with people’s right to happiness. What it all boils down to is control. Religion wants to control you, so they look down on the gay community. The government wants to control the population, but if you’re not reproducing how can they add more slaves to the economic plantation? Thus, it once made it extremely difficult for people to come out of the closet, because your own parents have tried to control you for most of your life before you ever reached the age of 18. Authority figures have forever frowned upon anyone getting out of line and being gay had long been viewed as a blasphemous way of life. So it should be of no surprise that the homophobes are just regurgitating what their masters have instructed them to communicate. No big deal.

As for this Oreo campaign, it’s just a marketing ploy to keep a particular demographic happy. Whether you choose to support or boycott Oreos because of this is up to you, but let me remind you—it’s just cookies. That’s it. This ain’t that serious. You’re not making a revolutionary stand by taking sides with a corporate company that just wants your money. If the internet has taught you anything at all, then you should know not to feed the troll. It’s just cookies, people. Cookies.